Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
