hotel room ftw
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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