did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
