it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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