So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
