I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't deserve a penis
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
