One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
