You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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