I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
