i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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