im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
