if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
