I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
