I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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