You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
