Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
