where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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