Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.

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(330): View more from Ohio

...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well

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(646): View more from New York

I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole

(516): View more from New York

Hahaha oops.

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