Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
