We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
