I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
