The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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