If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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