Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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