Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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