Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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