I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
