He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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