No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
