At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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