dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
