is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
