I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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