It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
