dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
