yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
