well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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