if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
