He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
