what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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