I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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