Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
