Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
