and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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