five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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