I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
