So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
