i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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