then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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