How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
