I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
