get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
