My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
