Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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