i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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