hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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