haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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