My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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