i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
