You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
