Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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