she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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