your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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