White coat. Heels.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
