All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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