Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
