I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
