I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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