brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
