i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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