She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
