someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize