I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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