I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
