we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have aggressive nipples.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
