you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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