Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize