Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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