Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
