I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
