Having a random hookup so left but love u
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
