I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no, he came in my armpit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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