Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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