I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
