oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
